Today I have had some Inseucirtys, I am sober, but I don't have an gratitude, I have resentments toward someone I cared about here, in San Francisco, someone I held, I loved, as a sister, and yes I did want more, but I respected the persons boundaries, I also potentionaly saved this persons life, when she had a medical emergency.
I held her, and lately The Smiths How Soon is Now, explains about How I feel about her, and what I am not going to do, go home to a club, and cry and you want to die. I feel close to her, I bonded, but she was too controlling, passive, and domnateing.
I can't be with you if you are vegan, I cant be your friend if you are a lesbian, I cant be around you if you are attracted to me, she creates drama, when she speaks or someone assumes about us, she is insecure, I cant stay up late playing video games, all night, 7 am is too early to get up, Blah I need rest, I cant stay up to 3 am and expect to be up a 5 am for my shower.
I need someone who is a hard worker like me, I don't need romance it just uh sort of happened. But I am powerless over somoen who thinks she is miss aa, due to she went though treatment, but she doesn't have a drinking problem.
I know more about myself, and life. I know who I am. I know its not healthy for me I know what's healthy for me for work, living, and AA. I got off track due to my crush, and co-depdancy. I push myself in to much, in other affairs. I am just slipping, but I am still sober, I am going to talk less, and folks will notice, my Insanity, emotions, and insecurity is across the board, and at least built a good foundation around my program, i wish I had more of time for fun, and social life, but 30 is fucking old. And I partied my ass off in Texas, cleaned up my act, and got out of dodge with my Ford.
I wish my family though the love me, would understand, Louisiana, or Texas is just not home for me, I wish my religion LDS and others would not be so perscutited or the FLDS is fucked it up for me from a bunch or sect members in elderado.
I got my
old personality back, which I lost, I still care about this person, but as a friend, its not a healthy relatshionship. Just remember HALT, and to keep working my program.
